Singaporean (Anti) Socialising

In Singapore it seems that iPhones are government issue. Every man and his dog has one of the fucking things. I always take great delight in shouldering some idiot who has forgotten himself and failed to cleared the doors on the MRT at the station as he fervently tries to clear a level of Angry Birds. But let's be honest, Angry Birds or not, he wouldn't have gotten out of my anyway. It is just not what a Singaporean would do. I'm not trying to be rude, it is just not in their culture to considerate this. And I am not saying Singaporeans are inconsiderate either because the concept hasn't entered their spectrum of consideration. But anyway, this is not my point here, this discussion is a whole other post in itself.

The point I'm making here is in regards to the way apple products have shaped social interactions between Singaporeans today. We first noticed what I am referring one evening as we walked through a park. However, without a doubt the most disturbing experience occurred when we were at a bar near our house for happy hour one Friday. Being Singapore we were struggling to gain the waiter's attention for long enough to secure as many as three drinks each within the hour and a half we were at the venue.

Whilst we were sitting swearing at the waiter's continued failure to deliver a vodka orange and a half pint of Stella within half an hour, we noticed two of the locals sitting at a table across from us. One was holding an iPad, the other an iPhone. They both sat there for the entire duration Hayley and I were there, sipping a glass of wine, not saying anything to each other, just playing level after level of angry Birds on their respective devices. So Hayley and I set out to replicate this one evening and see what the buzz was. Sadly our attempt didn't really live up to our expectations. To be fair, this may have been on account of the fact that my phone cost me $20 in Manila and its gaming content includes the likes of "Snake".

Anyway, as I mentioned this was not an isolated incident. We often see two or three people sitting together on a park bench, not speaking to one another, just tapping away on the screen of their apple product.

With this in mind I have developed a range of products for the modern Singaporean socialite. The best seller is basically a cardboard box that you can cut up and arrange around yourself so its like you're in a room. That way its like you're in the comfort of your own home despite the fact you're within a dry a hump of distance away from the person you're IM'ing. I've also developed a special visor that allows you to clip a picture of the person you're "hanging out with" on the inside. This allows users to not even remove their eyes from the screen to ignore the person they're "out with". I must say, these products have really taken off, especially since the marketing campaign was released.