Bintan

August 14th marked the one year anniversary of Dave romantically asking Hayley out in the back of a cab on the way home from a party. It was time to celebrate.

It has been a crazy year really. Not only did we never intend to be in a relationship, we never intended to move overseas together and you know.. be all in love and shit.

In the midst of the rush to get Dave to India, we left booking our trip quite late. We jumped online and researched places in Bali, but decided to go somewhere closer. We thought Bintan would be nice, but judging by the reviews on most places, we would melt to death in stifling rooms, be eaten alive by sand flies, eat disgusting food, be charged crazy prices and have terrible run down accommodation and facilities. We narrowed it down to a few options, and I think we nailed it. Yes, our accommodation was nothing flash, but when you're surrounded by idyllic views and lots to do and see, who needs a fancy room.. you're only in there to sleep! We loved every minute of our trip, so all the whingers really need to have a cup of cement. Also, sand flies really aren't the fault of the resort, are they?

Bintan is an Indonesian island just 50 minutes from Singapore by ferry. We quickly learned that you need to get on and off the ferry FAST. To ensure you can actually sit together, and to avoid long lines at the strange and annoying visa process stage. For the trip we became like many others- there is a Singlish word for it but I can't think of it - Singaporeans who are afraid of not being first for something - always pushing and wanting to be in front. *update: thank you Rochelle, the word is kiasu! *

The hour long bus trip to our accommodation took us by surprise. One, because we had no idea it was going to be that long, and two because it was a bumpy, dark and hair raising experience. Dave's head hit the top of the bus many times, and a sharp right turn caused us both to come out of the seat. It took us both by surprise, and being in the aisle seat, I wasn't expecting Dave to come crashing out on top of me. But his slow reaction time meant we were both catapulted half into the aisle, causing much laughter from the people behind us (who almost lost it too) and giggling that was difficult to suppress from myself.

All was forgotten about the seemingly never ending bus trip as soon as we arrived. A cool sea breeze, palm trees and a stunning view. We seemed to have stumbled upon some kind of European orgy though, prompting someone at the bar to say 'You picked the wrong weekend to come here.' Being the old couple that we are, we were hardly impressed but soon got over it once we were distracted by the bar barely being able to provide any of the drinks we wanted. It seemed the horny Europeans depleted their alcohol supply. They did say they were usually quiet, so we guessed they just weren't prepared. It could be however that things are so laidback there, that having items on the menu doesn't actually mean that they feel the need to provide them.

We sat and had a few cocktails before wandering off further down the beach, away from anybody else. It was lovely in the dark, looking out over the water and climbing on the volcanic rocks. (If I am to believe Dave, who is clearly a geologist)

Our room was in a great location, away from the reception and bar/cafe area so it was very peaceful. Except when a few people realised there was a gorgeous palm tree right outside our room perfect for photos. But that didn't last long, so we were able to continue relaxing on our balcony overlooking the water, frowning on the happy young Europeans like a couple of 70 year olds.

We had a bit of a sleep in on Saturday and walked the 1km down the road to the sister resort. Here there were many more facilities, all for our use as well. We sat and had drinks and lunch (first cocktail at 10.45am much?) before hitting the pool. Everyone was jealous of our ball (good idea self). We then headed to a restaurant out on the water for another drink and to explore some more, before having a massage together. It was my first ever proper massage (an outrage for sure) and it was quite relaxing. Nothing like wearing disposable underwear and having your butt massaged to bring you together as a couple. Dave admitted to nearly giggling like a schoolgirl when they got to the buttock area. He also nodded off quite a bit, which I was alerted to when I heard him jolting awake. I think I'll be more relaxed in the future for massages now that I know what to expect. They did do some odd maneuvers though, so who knows if I got anything like a standard massage. 

Saturday night we had our own private table at the back of the Sun Moon restaurant, outside overlooking the water. The food was delicious, and the staff so lovely. They were so shy they were hesitant to come over to us without being called. They are SO polite, always saying excuse me and even asking if they could set the table. Really lovely people. 

Sunday was our anniversary and we had a few hours on the island before we headed for the ferry back. We finally swam in the ocean, and made our way out to a little island about 200 metres from the shore. We may have got there a little quicker had Dave not been so scared of everything on the bottom (not that I blame him, but you just have to not think about it too much and soldier on!) But he showed me how he is a sea ninja' and karate chopped his way through the water to safety whilst giving me this gem of advice; 'fuck things up first, ask questions later.' The walk was totally worth it.The water was crystal clear and it was such a refreshing swim. Even if the water didn't even reach our waists at any part of the journey.

Then it was time for the bus home. (after 2 strawberry milkshakes, which I'm very sure contained no milk, but were delicious regardless). You would think that this bus trip should be pretty uneventful given that we knew how long it would take and how bumpy it would be. Plus, we could see out the windows this time. How wrong we were. We ended up breaking down not once, but twice. Somehow this didn't really phase us, I suppose we realised there was really nothing we could do. All was well in the end though and the bus started again and got us to the ferry terminal on time. It didn't stop Dave and I from really urging it up all the hills we encountered. 

The ferry home was nice and rocky at the start, nothing like a bit of motion sickness. We made a mad dash for me to clear immigration and I got through in about 2 minutes. When we fly, it takes me much longer and Dave goes straight through, only to have to wait ages on the other side. This time, we again were prepared. After some duty free whisky was procured, we headed to Mort and Rochelle's house to watch Richmond beat Sydney - yes! Then we headed to Orchard Road. We went to Marche for dinner (a swiss market restaurant that I am quiet enamoured of) and saw Horrible Bosses which we both enjoyed. If only everyone would stop laughing at length at every tiny joke so we could hear the following jokes, that would be great.

Bintan was truly beautiful, such lovely views and pristine water. We had a great time and we are already planning more island getaways. It was a great way to celebrate a crazy, fun, life changing and eventful year.

Happy Anniversary, Us.

From the Lion City to Cat City

Borneo. Its kind of one those places where you hear the name and think, isn't that place meant to be absolutely fucking crazy? Did stuff happen there some time? As it turns out, I did happen to read in the Lonely Planet that Head Hunting was once a common past time in the region. The locals would like nothing more than to hap hazardly lop of another villager's head. As I say this I'm sure you're mulling this over and thinking that surely this happened some time ago and everything is above board now. Let me put your mind at ease by saying yes, it was some time ago. So long ago in fact that Peter Andre was a marketable figure at the time and it was those crazy cats over the border in Indonesia as you can imagine who were doing the chopping this time around. The Sarawakians haven't partaken in such delights for some time now.

In all seriousness, Kuching in the Malaysian region of Serawak is quite a lot to take in. Indeed Hayley's stomach struggled with this the entire weekend courtesy of the soup she endured Friday night. The city is known to be a cultural smorgasboard and it certainly didn't disappoint. To be honest it felt at times like I'd necked a 12 pack of Yukult and was O.D'ing on the Shirota Strain. Just walking around and looking at buildings was enjoyable for me, as stupid as that sounds. I must say, it isn't for everyone. Whilst there is a selection of high end hotels to keep the most distinguished traveller happy, the grime of the streets below is likely to get enough sand in your vagina to make the trip rather uncomfortable for you.

You get the feeling that the waterfront boomed about twenty years ago and then went arse up. But there is this character to the place. There is something about it where you see a gutted building on the Main Bazaar and you think "oh wow, so thats what it looks like on the inside". You see a grimy, shitty old terrace house, but it has this amazing character to it. I think for me, it was the open clashes between various cultures. There are still glimpses of the colonial times under the Rajah James Brooke that somehow mould into place amongst the modern mosques and beautifully presented temples.

I'd arranged for a kayaking trip that included a trip to a nature reserve outside of the city. We arrived at the nature reserve in time for the feeding of the orangutans. Having read very thoroughly the instructions provided by the kayaking company, we hadn't brought Hayley's very expensive camera, instead opting for disposal cameras purchased at the airport 7-11. So we're at this wildlife park, there's guys getting around with iPads taking pictures, some guy has this mic hooked up to some ridiculous camera as though he was looking to make a POV film and here we are, kicking it old skool, snapping away with two disposal cameras thinking fuck me I hope these come out. I think it might have been the first time Hayley used a film camera. These kids these days. Have no idea what it was like growing up back in our day.

So as I mentioned earlier, Hailz was suffering from quite a severe case of food poisoning. We were sweating on whether she'd actually be able to get involved in the kayaking. From the time we left our hotel to the time we set off in our kayak she'd managed 3 voms and 2 bits of toilet. I'm sure she won't mind me saying that. No, thats fine isn't it, sharing that amount of intimate detail with everybody?

So somehow this little Trojan kept it together and we row row rowed our boat merrily down the stream (YEEESSSS, so happy I got to type that and it made sense). Along the way we got to stop off at a number of kampungs, the Malay word for village (God I've become such a wanker. Could have just said "village" surely.). These villages could only be accessed by a kind of rope/cable suspension bridge which the locals would come flying over on their scooters while we timidly trembled across the thing as though we were in "The Temple of Doom". It was really quite a cultural experience seeing these villages. The scenery has to be seen to be believed, pure jungle, amazing cliff faces and huge mountains in crazy shapes. We swam at the bottom of a waterfall and kayaked into a cave. It was brilliant.

This was probably our last gasp of effort on this trip. Hayley sunk further and further into the traumas of food poisoning, which lasted until the Wednesday, and my sunburn meant the 30+ degree heat and humidity outside was almost unbearable as I sought fluids and food suitable for Hailz' predicament. It helped that our room on the 17th floor was beautiful and had a stunning view, not to mention the fine selection of television scheduling which included the Miss America 2011 Pageant with guest host Kelly Osborne. Scintillating viewing.