Borneo. Its kind of one those places where you hear the name and think, isn't that place meant to be absolutely fucking crazy? Did stuff happen there some time? As it turns out, I did happen to read in the Lonely Planet that Head Hunting was once a common past time in the region. The locals would like nothing more than to hap hazardly lop of another villager's head. As I say this I'm sure you're mulling this over and thinking that surely this happened some time ago and everything is above board now. Let me put your mind at ease by saying yes, it was some time ago. So long ago in fact that Peter Andre was a marketable figure at the time and it was those crazy cats over the border in Indonesia as you can imagine who were doing the chopping this time around. The Sarawakians haven't partaken in such delights for some time now.
In all seriousness, Kuching in the Malaysian region of Serawak is quite a lot to take in. Indeed Hayley's stomach struggled with this the entire weekend courtesy of the soup she endured Friday night. The city is known to be a cultural smorgasboard and it certainly didn't disappoint. To be honest it felt at times like I'd necked a 12 pack of Yukult and was O.D'ing on the Shirota Strain. Just walking around and looking at buildings was enjoyable for me, as stupid as that sounds. I must say, it isn't for everyone. Whilst there is a selection of high end hotels to keep the most distinguished traveller happy, the grime of the streets below is likely to get enough sand in your vagina to make the trip rather uncomfortable for you.
You get the feeling that the waterfront boomed about twenty years ago and then went arse up. But there is this character to the place. There is something about it where you see a gutted building on the Main Bazaar and you think "oh wow, so thats what it looks like on the inside". You see a grimy, shitty old terrace house, but it has this amazing character to it. I think for me, it was the open clashes between various cultures. There are still glimpses of the colonial times under the Rajah James Brooke that somehow mould into place amongst the modern mosques and beautifully presented temples.
I'd arranged for a kayaking trip that included a trip to a nature reserve outside of the city. We arrived at the nature reserve in time for the feeding of the orangutans. Having read very thoroughly the instructions provided by the kayaking company, we hadn't brought Hayley's very expensive camera, instead opting for disposal cameras purchased at the airport 7-11. So we're at this wildlife park, there's guys getting around with iPads taking pictures, some guy has this mic hooked up to some ridiculous camera as though he was looking to make a POV film and here we are, kicking it old skool, snapping away with two disposal cameras thinking fuck me I hope these come out. I think it might have been the first time Hayley used a film camera. These kids these days. Have no idea what it was like growing up back in our day.
So as I mentioned earlier, Hailz was suffering from quite a severe case of food poisoning. We were sweating on whether she'd actually be able to get involved in the kayaking. From the time we left our hotel to the time we set off in our kayak she'd managed 3 voms and 2 bits of toilet. I'm sure she won't mind me saying that. No, thats fine isn't it, sharing that amount of intimate detail with everybody?
I'd arranged for a kayaking trip that included a trip to a nature reserve outside of the city. We arrived at the nature reserve in time for the feeding of the orangutans. Having read very thoroughly the instructions provided by the kayaking company, we hadn't brought Hayley's very expensive camera, instead opting for disposal cameras purchased at the airport 7-11. So we're at this wildlife park, there's guys getting around with iPads taking pictures, some guy has this mic hooked up to some ridiculous camera as though he was looking to make a POV film and here we are, kicking it old skool, snapping away with two disposal cameras thinking fuck me I hope these come out. I think it might have been the first time Hayley used a film camera. These kids these days. Have no idea what it was like growing up back in our day.
So as I mentioned earlier, Hailz was suffering from quite a severe case of food poisoning. We were sweating on whether she'd actually be able to get involved in the kayaking. From the time we left our hotel to the time we set off in our kayak she'd managed 3 voms and 2 bits of toilet. I'm sure she won't mind me saying that. No, thats fine isn't it, sharing that amount of intimate detail with everybody?
So somehow this little Trojan kept it together and we row row rowed our boat merrily down the stream (YEEESSSS, so happy I got to type that and it made sense). Along the way we got to stop off at a number of kampungs, the Malay word for village (God I've become such a wanker. Could have just said "village" surely.). These villages could only be accessed by a kind of rope/cable suspension bridge which the locals would come flying over on their scooters while we timidly trembled across the thing as though we were in "The Temple of Doom". It was really quite a cultural experience seeing these villages. The scenery has to be seen to be believed, pure jungle, amazing cliff faces and huge mountains in crazy shapes. We swam at the bottom of a waterfall and kayaked into a cave. It was brilliant.
This was probably our last gasp of effort on this trip. Hayley sunk further and further into the traumas of food poisoning, which lasted until the Wednesday, and my sunburn meant the 30+ degree heat and humidity outside was almost unbearable as I sought fluids and food suitable for Hailz' predicament. It helped that our room on the 17th floor was beautiful and had a stunning view, not to mention the fine selection of television scheduling which included the Miss America 2011 Pageant with guest host Kelly Osborne. Scintillating viewing.
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